Sometimes when I sit down with a couple and start chatting with them about their finances, I’ll ask a question that both of them have thought about but never actually talked about.
It’s a super common and easy thing to do in a relationship.
You think and think and think about something. Mull it over. Start formulating a plan in your head. And somehow, you just kind of assume your partner has been reading your mind the entire time, and that you’re totally on the same page, even though you haven’t actually said anything about it out loud.
And then you’re chatting with me in person or over zoom and you’re giving this answer that you’ve THOUGHT about a lot, but I can tell from the look on your partner’s face that you haven’t in fact TALKED about it at all and that you aren’t in fact anywhere close to being on the same page.
And then the real discussion begins. And we go through the process of talking through and looking at everyone’s different perspectives and figuring out how to reconcile them into a plan that everyone can get on board with.
Surfacing these kinds of gaps in communication and facilitating these kinds of discussions is a big part of the work I do with couples to help them start rowing in the same direction and create the sense that they’re working together toward shared goals.